ok.... So this is it!!! I have totally hit rock bottom>>>> I will start this blog as a commitment to my final journey to weight loss success.. I have started and failed at every diet out there and I have chose for this to be it. I am willing to totally expose every possible moment of the journey with the goal that hopefully the embarrassing exposure will finally do it for me. I have always kept all my feelings, success, and failures either to myself or just between me and a few friends. So this is it... I lost almost 60 lbs over a year and half ago, then in June 2010 we moved to Ohio. I gained somewhere between 30-40 pounds of that back. I have spent so much time depressed and playing dieting yo-yo games and constantly a horrible failure. Well now I have been on a medication for several months now that should make me lose anywhere from 10-30 pounds a month...well I have lost maybe 10 and have just maintained over probably a 5 month period...That is such bull!! I can do better than this. I have used every excuse from we moved to Ohio (with no resources to work out), my husband is out of town for long periods of time, I'm depressed, so many changes and responsibilities in my life right now...lonely.. NO more!! No more excuses!!! I am so tired of being the lazy mom that can't seem to get out of bed most days than to even be able to enjoy my children.. I have reached out and joined some committees and woman's groups.. I am also starting a diet kind of on my own type of thing that I am going to list a list of rules, commitments, and goals that I will be adding and maybe changing things daily to what works for me.. I will be forwarding this to family and friends to pray for, keep me accountable and to be a good support system... Please help me!! Join me!! Whatever works for you!!! Some brutal truth may be necessary sometimes (I will NOT take offense to it).
You maybe asking why today?? What is so special about today??? Well I want to share with you my morning... I woke this morning choking at 5:30am because I could not breathing... The gasping for air (for what seemed like 10 minutes) scared the crap out of me...The things that entered my mind were so disturbing.... how will the kids respond to my death if I die... how would my family?? What would Matt and the kids do?? How did I get here again?.... I was once here before and said I would not get here again. I finally caught my breath. I spent the next 30 minutes praising God for letting me live. I got the boys up for school and collapsed back in bed, feeling like I had no energy to even move let alone see them out the door. 20 minutes after they left I managed to crawl back out of bed to wake Madi for school. She got in the bath as I fell back it to bed. 30 minutes later I woke panic ed that I didn't hear Madi splashing in the tub. I called her name and she didn't answer.... I jumped up running... she was downstairs, dressed getting her own lunch ready. I felt horrible.... I got her out the door and on the bus.. Feeling miserable I got the last piece of the ice cream cake out of the freezer, and a spoon and collapsed back in bed to watch and sulk with my ice cream. I had awaken twice to 2 phones but didn't totally get out of bed till noon.. This is not a typical day for me but I was feeling depressed and I have been suffering some major fatigue. I did take advantage of the situation.. Still laying there I decided to catch up on a few recorded DVR things I had missed over the past month... I chose the Biggest Loser today... It totally inspired me!!! I decided I did not want to get to the position where these people were and as of right now I am well on my way!!
So I ran downstairs got my wallet(credit card) and said I was finally committing to Kimkins lifetime membership that I have debated and wanted to for over a year now. I know that the thing that works the best for me is a low calorie, low/no carbs diet. They have delicious easy low carb recipes that I have used a lot with my last diet that I did do so well with. I have decided I am not going to share my weight today.. I will share my weight lost once a week and most likely will share my start weight once I am in a comfortable place... So I have a menu that I will be going to Walmart tonight to make sure I have everything I need for the next 3 days.. I will be cutting out all the sugar so I know that most likely I will be hitting an all time low with headaches and other symptoms that I will have to work through without having to deal with the whole grocery store thing. So wish me luck... I will be listing some aides that I will be using to help me through this along with my menu I will be using later tonight or tomorrow.....
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